Rescue From The Pit Of Despair

I am in this deep pit of despair these last few days, coupled with an exhaustion which does nothing but make me want to sleep. Sleep helps me avoid the terrible thoughts of the deep depression, so I guess it's a good thing. Today, I am trying to climb out, trying to wake up. Today, notwithstanding the tremendous difficulty, I am going to get out of my building, even if only to go buy milk and sandwich meat.

Yesterday my afternoon HCA, or some other evil spirit, left the spout open on my catheter bag. I called the agency, asking for her to return and wipe up the mess. She returned all right, angrier than a slapped bumblebee, indignantly telling me she didn't do it, that I shsould not have called the office saying she did it.

My resposne was simple. Someone did it, so  please clean up the floor. "If I do this, I will be late for other clients, and this is not another visit? Should I put you to bed now?" It was not even 7:30 PM, so of course I said no. I also said "We're not doing this. Get the mop and clean up this mess." She complied, grumpily and offended that she had to do this. In spite, she cleaned the dining area, but not the hallway nor my bedroom where my tires had laid down tracks of urine. No, she did the least possible, then got out of my apartment.

Then I tried to get dinner going. I wanted to get some pork chops out of the fridge. I opened the fridge door to discover my angle to the fridge shelves was such that I needed to turn 180 degrees to get a better angle for grabbing. Unforunately that turn somehow engaged the headrest of my wheelchair with the door of my freezer on the fridge, bending the headrest and ultimately pulling off the lower shelf of the freezer door, spilling the contents asunder.

The really sad part of all of this is that, even with good positioing, I waw still unable to pull the pork chops out of the fridge. Not enough strength. I sat there for a minute, contemplating where I was, how far I had come; wondering if I should  finally surrender to the inevitable.

I gave up. I called my friend Tonny. He came over and sized up the mess. He had it fixed in a matter of minutes, then asked me what I was doing. I said I want to cook those pork chops. So he did that too, making enough so that I could today as well.

Tony says I need to invite someone over every couple of days. Then they can help me cook dinners with enough leftovers for the next few days. The honest truth is I already have a few days of leftovers in that damned fridge. His idea is the right idea. I'm going to try it. So far I have a meal for today, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, except I will need help getting the pasta down for Thursday. I will ask Dion to take i down when he is here on Wednesday. Brian and Tanya are here on Saturday, so all is good for the rest of the week.

The first two events of my day could have driven me deeper into my wallow. Actually they did, especially the angry HCA. I don't need that shit. Then came Tonny, both with the fridge rescue and with cooking my pork chops. That deliverance from disaster made an amazing difference to me, affirming that I have friends who care, taking control of a situation where I had lost control. 

So today, things are looking up. I'm going to Safeway, maybe even Coop!