I Love My Life

Last night I went to Name That Tune, one of the weekly events which I now attend weakly. While I still participate, singing with enthusiasm when called upon, guessing tunes as best I can, I don't have the strength to dance like I used to. It doesn't really matter; I still have a ton of fun. In fact last night I stayed to hang out with the owner of the pub, Steve, and the MC for Name That Tune, Curtis. We got to talking and had a few beers.Then, suddenly, it was 2:30 AM. I didn't get home to bed until 3:00 AM.

This morning I had to get up early, at least early for me, at 10:30 AM, so that I could drive my daughter, Kate, to the airport. She is headed to Toronto, where I will be joining her on Monday for her University of Toronto Convocation. Kate is the most educated person in our family as yet, with a Masters Degree in Public Health Administration. I am proud of her, not because of her education but because of her amazing blend of compassion and ambition.

I love being a social creature. I love being a Dad. I love that I get to do these things, to help my children, to spend time with friends. I love my life. It's hard to believe, when faced with that which I must face, that I could say this. It is hard to understand that given this brutal diagnosis, this loss of so much, this daily tedium and dismay, that I could say how much I love, enjoy, find pleasure, in the life that I get to live. My life, in spite of the daily struggles, the pain of dressing, the struggle of cleaning and cooking and shopping and a thousand other daily chores, is a pleasure to live, a wonder to have, a life worth living.

It is not that my life is endless, nor is it that it is short. Each of us must face an end, a time when our clock winds down, when our days meet their number. Each of us will find a time, either suddenly or slowly, when we must leave all that we hold dear in this life. I know this is happening to me, one day, one hour, one moment at at time. Each day I get that message; another of my PALS passes, dying, leaving me and so many others behind to carry the torch of life.

For me, I see that torch as a light to live by, a light to shine in all that I do. It is the glory of living, the light that makes day out of night. I know that I must die; I choose to live until it happens, living in the light of day, not the gloom of coming darkness. I just love being alive. If this is all I have, I will live it until the end; Dad, friend, Person with ALS.