It's an odd day today, one of those days where I have little to write or say. I am still inside, calm and rested. I have a few things to do, some online and some offline. Overall I am in a kind of stasis, unmoving. I am so lazy I haven't even gotten dressed yet. I don't mind, it's good to be in this place.
Even the weather is in the place. The sky outside is a serene azure, unbroken by cloud. The tree is still, no wind blows to disturb the crusting of snow that has built up over the last week. The light on the pedestrian sign for the crosswalk below me blinks in a steady rhythm. There is almost no sound from the street; the loudest noise in my apartment is the ticking clock on the wall behind me.
It's as if I am in an emotional or psychic lifeboat, adrift in a vast sea, surrounded by nothing but calm blue ocean, a flat changeless plane of unfeelable ripples that drift by on a relentless tide. I do nothing to affect that tide; I do nothing to affect myself within that tide. The only effect is slow motion; like driftwood, I ride along unknowing as to my direction or destination, taken by a whirl of water here or there, without steering or rudder.
My day is not pointless; there are things to do. Yet I feel no urgency to do them. If I accomplish, then I accomplish. If I spend my day without accomplishment, it will still be a good day. I am alive, thinking, feeling, wondering. I need no other nourishment for my spirit.
BREAK!
It's almost time for Ricky to come home for lunch. He works across the street at Toys 'R US and comes home almost every day to make a quick hot lunch. I don't need to have him come in and see me sitting around in my underwear, looking for all the world like a patient in need of care. I rush to put on my jeans and socks.
Wearing pants changes your point of view. I can see why a great many people like to sit around semi-dressed. It is a defiance, a statement of limitations. Once enrobed, however, my attitude changes. Now it's time to get serious about my day. There is something about getting dressed that leads on to the next, more productive step in life. That's why I do it every day.
Oh my dear what a terrible day for you. I wish I could have been there to support you but David and Elizabeth were champs. I am still not there for you in person.
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