I Write

What would happen if I didn't write today? Would the world come to an end? Would everyone think I had died? Would people wonder what was wrong with me? The consistency with which I post seems to have become habitual, not just for me but for others as well. In fact there are days when, if I write late as is happening today, I get emails and messages from my Mom or friends checking to see if I am all right.

Writing every day takes discipline, a kind of fortitude that requires marshaling of mind and thought in order to produce something at least moderately coherent. Some days it works; other days, not so much. Sometimes I really have to make myself think, force myself to ponder or wonder in order to put pen to paper, digitally speaking. I've never really had this kind of discipline in the past; I've tried blogging and posting, to no avail. I've always stopped when it became boring to me. This time, however, there is more involved than just me, more than just an idea that this might be interesting. This time, it means something.

I started this blog as a sort of therapy, a way of expunging by word the thoughts and feelings taking hold in my mind, a way of cartharsis. It started as something I had to do in order to help myself through this journey with ALS. It's gotten more complicated as time as gone by. I now find myself being used as reference for others, as a research source for those who find themselves in my shoes. It's also become a way for friends, family and followers to keep an eye on me, on my moods and well-being. It is true that I will say things here that I might not say in a conversation.

Writing as become, for me, self-expository, a way of telling my story to myself as well as to others. It has become a tool of introspection as well as a tool of expression, allowing me to look inward on a daily basis, and to share what I feel through this medium. Were it not for the blogging technology, this would be a shadow in the mist; my penmanship is terrible. I print in block letters, rarely recoursing to cursive. It is the combination of my life and this technology that allowed me to start and enables me to continue.

From catharsis, to self-healing, to sharing, to learning; it's been a journey that works in such a unique way, a journey that I plan to continue as long as my fingers can hit the keys. Some days it is work, some days it is joy, every day it is different.