Happy Either Way

I'm home. Not only am I home, my luggage is unpacked, my gear is put away, and Katherine and I have even had a light supper. We are done with our road trip. Of course being home has its effect on me, as it always does; that ambivalence between the freedom of the open road versus the safety and convenience of being in my own apartment.

Here in the apartment, my bed is right for me. I have a lift to get me there when I am really tired. My toilet is not only the right height and in the right position, it also has the washlet seat so I can easily clean up afterwards. My roll in shower with built in seat is perfectly positioned for me with lots of safety bars near at hand. I can have a glass of wine without having to order it, a bite to eat that is simple and small in proportion. I can watch Netflix on my TV, Canadian sports too.

On the road there is freedom, the sense of normalcy in driving, a sense of power behind the wheel. As Katherine noted today, when I am on the road I have a plan, a purpose, a place to go. When I'm on the road, I have a mission to focus on that keeps my mind off of ALS. When I lose the ability to drive, as surely I must, it will be the greatest loss yet.

At home I spend time with Kate, with my friends, being social. I get to cook, to take care of my life. Of course there is no plan to it, no mission to it. Yet I can be comfortable and safe at home. I can look out my window and see the beauty of life here in Calgary, watch the weather, the birds, the passing parade of life.

On the road there are scenes like the sunset today, a stunning paintbrush sky using every colour of the pallette, clouds rimmed in pink, gold, grey and even black, an evening sky reaching from white in the heavens through baby blue and into deep purple against the earths edge, the sun a slow setting glow over distant horizon of the Rockies, spinning a web of long shadows at each farm and fence along the way. There are things to see on the road.

I am happy to be home. I will be happy to go on another adventure. Either way, I plan to stay as happy as I can.