All These Things

This morning I got up early, at least early for me. I was awake at 8:30 AM, getting dressed by 9:00 and in my chair by 9:30. Of course I have yet to put on pants but there is a whole 'nother story to that, having to do with my uncertainty about that to wear, sweatpants or jeans. I will be forced by the clock to make up my mind in a moment or two.

You see, I am about to head out to get fitted for compression socks. You can't just walk into a store and buy these things; you have to be fitted and the compression level has to be correct. It's another one of those additions to my life, changes in what I wear or how I live, for which I feel no immediate affection. I have been wearing temporary compression socks for a few weeks now and I admit that they work. The swelling in my feet has gone down; my ankles are almost once again visible.

Unfortunately the livid purple colour will never go; in fact the pooling of blood in my feet has begun to create a continual discoloration as the iron leaches from the blood into the surrounding skin. I have a permanent yellow-brown tint to that skin, a kind of faux tan or simulated nicotine stain. Once again, another side-effect from ALS, not a result of ALS itself.

Some days I get tired of all this nonsense, just wishing it was over and I didn't have to put up with so much crap. Some days I wonder what might happen to me if I stopped taking all the pills, got rid of the socks, stayed in bed and just waited for an outcome. Of course in the end no amount of medication or socks or wheelchairs or lifts will stop the disease. In the end I will ultimately discover what happens; I already know.

I shall go and get the damned socks. I will pay what must be paid for this new thing in my life; fortunately 75% of the cost is covered by Alberta Health Services under the Alberta Aids to Daily Living program. Still, I have a choice; I can do without or go with a temporary solution for a while longer. In fact I may have to go with "tubigrip" socks for a while yet if the socks I need are not in stock. Regardless, it's just another thing in a series of things. I am tired of all these things.