Whenever I am away from home, after about three days it hits me, the homesickness where I realize I have "x" number of days before I get to sleep in my own bed, enjoy my regular life patterns, avail myself of my own wine and food. The smaller the "x", the less it hits. Last night it hit me hard. Thankfully I had Katherine to talk to about it; this makes it a lot easier.
Even though I am enjoying the ride, even though I have a tremendous amount of support for my situation, even though I have a wonderful woman helping me along with this voyage, I still feel the angst of enforcement for this trip. Sure, I had other options, all of them bad. This is the best decision in a difficult situation; a great many people agree with that. Yet I miss my home, desperately, and I continue to resent being away because of the elevator.
It's not all joy and contentment out here. Road food gets tiresome. Restaurants become all the same in a very short time. Life becomes a tedium of gas stations, bad coffee, uncomfortable beds, cheap hotel bedsheets, bad wine and days that start too early. This morning I was up at 9:30 AM; it seems I am getting up earlier and earlier now that I don't have my own warm bed to snuggle in.
Getting over this feeling will just take time. Soon, a few days from now perhaps, I will be enjoying the drive so much that I will forget about not being home. Soon it will seem normal to be sleeping in a different hotel or motel every night or two. Soon the road will become the habit and home will become the unusual. I already know that when I get home I will feel out of place at first, separated once again from my routine.
There are a great many good things about being on the road. There is freedom out here, escape from ALS in a strange sort of way. When I am on the road, especially when I am driving, I am just like everyone else on the road. Nobody sees the wheelchair; they see a big, tall guy in a big Ford F-150, jamming down the highway just slightly over the speed limit, often singing along to a tune on the radio or from my rather large selection of music on a USB stick.
That's what will make it better, having fun, singing along, enjoying the drive. That's what I will do today. That, and visit Mt. Rushmore.
Mount Rushmore, now there's a treat. I have never been there but would like to visit the site. Remember the movie that featured Mount Rushmore, Cary Grant was featured.
ReplyDeleteI'm getting ready for a bit of a "walkabout" myself. My destination is the BC coast and I plan on meandering my way there taking time to smell the roses along the way. It's been a few years since I've been through the mountains and I'm getting itchy feet! Yes, there is no place like home, but for now, home is the open road and it's wonderful to hear that you're enjoying the moments. Happy Travels!
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