Living In The Moment

This is it, my last day of freedom. Tomorrow morning at 8:00 AM the elevator in my building goes out of service for a minimum of 6 weeks, more likely something like 8 to 10 weeks, and worst case up to 12 weeks. It's difficult to express the tension I feel about this, the stress inherent in the known collapse of this pillar of my life, my ability to get in and out of my apartment.

I know I shouldn't be as worried about this as I am. I have a plan in place for the next week, a plan to spend some quality time here at home. I know I have a plan to break myself out of this un-elevatored prison for the six weeks following. That puts me right near the "most likely" time frame. It is highly possible that when I return from my road trip, I will find my building re-elevatored and all will be well. Yet I still feel the tension and stress keenly.

On of my friends put it best when he compared it to a prisoner out on bail, awaiting a jail sentence. The reality of the jail cell only truly strikes when you walk through the cell door. Up until then there is always the potential for something else to happen, some other way for things to go. Yet you are still under the stress of the impending sentence and incarceration. Tomorrow the cell door closes. Today my tension continues to rise.

The other side of this drama unfolding is the relief I will feel once the repairs actually get under way. As another of my friends said recently, "We will deal with the precipice once we get there. Until then, let's just see what happens." He is right; there is nothing to do but watch and wait. No amount of stressing or worrying will change anything; I might was well enjoy my life as it unfolds, not worrying about things I cannot change.

For tonight, I plan on going to a friend's place for dinner. We will enjoy good food, drink some nice wine, laugh and tell stories. I will have a fun evening, and like that prisoner on bail, the reality of tomorrow will come regardless. Living in the moment is the only way to deal with this stuff.