Writing for Dollars

I didn't shoot a deer yesterday. It doesn't matter; I had a terrific day out in the woods and fields, exploring, looking for game. We saw lots after sunset, but none where we were hunting. This is good for the deer, although it means I don't have a freezer full of venison. It would have help, having a freezer full of meat.

I'm on AISH now, the Alberta Assured Income for the Severely Handicapped. The name of this supplemental income is enough to let you know how I am doing. I am severely handicapped, and getting worse. It's kind of depressing, to have used all of my own money, run up my credit cards, and now to have to depend on the government for even more money and support. On the other hand, nobody plans for ALS; nobody plans for living longer than a reasonable prognosis; nobody plans for the expenses of this illness.

This morning Katherine and I were discussing how I might make a bit of extra money. AISH allows me to make up to $800 a month in income without impacting my benefits. Of course if I could work, I would be doing so already. My energy level precludes normal employment. My body precludes anything even vaguely physical. These days I can hardly get into my truck, so UBER is probably a bad idea. Katherine thinks I should see if I can make some money with my writing.

Over the years, I've written a number of commercial pieces; magazine articles, speeches, presentations, that sort of thing. I've never made a real push of it; it was just another part of my work. My blog, my poems, my other articles have all been written for myself, a kind of release from the stress of my life. I've never seen them as publishable articles.

The truth is that right now I lack the motivation to pursue this, and the confidence to feel that it could be in anyway successful. I just don't see why people would be interested in what I have to say. I don't know why people would want to pay to see what I write. Some of them do, sometimes. Those instances are few and far between. I just don't see how I could make a consistent income from it, or even an intermittent one. In this area, I don't believe in myself. I don't need the rejection. Silly, I know. But true nonetheless.