January seems to be the most expensive month of my year. Without the support of friends and family, I am sure I would be financially doomed, what with an extra mortgage payment, home insurance payment, extra post-Christmas groceries, and what seems like a million little things. For example I tore on of my bottom sheets, the high quality ones that are supposed to last for years. Then I realize that I have had them for more than 5 years and they are laundered much more often than regular usage. So they are wearing thin, whether I want to admit it or not. The set will cost about $230 to replace; it will have to wait.
Notwithstanding financial pressures, January is a tough month. I struggle with the dark days of winter, these long nights that seem to make me want to sleep even more than ALS does. The icy weather keeps me trapped indoors most days, increasing the depression I suffer with. The post-Christmas blues set in as I miss my children more than ever.
On top of the depression challenge, the cognitive affect of ALS, or Psuedobulbar Affect, has either gotten worse or my medications are failing me again. I'm having emotional outburst, struggles with inappropriate behaviour and comments, along with the increased depression. I've increased my medications. It's the best I can do.
At lease I am eating well, drinking well, and mostly enjoying my life. Even with my emotional and cognitive problems, friends remain loyal and forgiving, something I am so thankful for. They remember the old Richard, the person who could stand, walk, and be there for them when they needed it. I'm still trying, but I can also be very trying. All I can do is ask for forgiveness, and plead illness.
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