Monday, 7 January 2013

Morning Sickness

You know, about ten minutes ago when I sat down to write this blog, I was feeling very sad, depressed almost. Actually I wake up most mornings with a sense of sadness and loss. That sadness comes from realizing that this is most likely how my life will end; waking up each morning alone in my bed and then one day not waking up at all.

I wondered if this was a serious, clinical depression and not just sadness. So I looked up the differences on the US National Health Information database. I found that symptoms of depression can include:

  • Agitation, restlessness, and irritability (I have always been like this!)
  • Becoming withdrawn or isolated (Nope, but I often feel lonely and alone. I hate waking up alone.)
  • Difficulty concentrating (Nope.)
  • Dramatic change in appetite, often with weight gain or loss (Nope.)
  • Fatigue and lack of energy (Fatigue for good reason but certainly not a lack of mental energy.)
  • Feelings of hopelessness and helplessness (Yes, but wouldn't you expect this?)
  • Feelings of worthlessness, self-hate, and guilt (Nope, just my usual lack of self-esteem)
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in activities that were once enjoyed (Nope, definitely not)
  • Thoughts of death or suicide (Yes, but then again what would you expect in my case?)
  • Trouble sleeping or too much sleeping (Nope. I just hate getting up on winter mornings.)
  • Depression can appear as anger and discouragement, rather than feelings of sadness. (I am angry but then again I have something to be angry about.)
Now, just a couple of minutes later, having looked at the list I realize I don't have most of them. I am just plain sad, especially waking up in the morning alone in my bed. I am not what you would call highly motivated these days. Perhaps I should go back and look at those stages of grief again.

Then I get up, get a coffee and watch the sunrise. Then it starts to seem a bit better. As the sun rises further and the caffeine kicks in, it gets a bit better. Then I start to write, and it gets a bit better.

Is there a way to skip the morning sadness and go straight to caffeinated?

No comments:

Post a Comment