Carla

Katie strikes again. This time, however, her question is dangerous, almost subversive. It is a question with an answer that will bring up old feelings. It will make me think about things gone by, opportunities lost, futures missed. I wonder if I should even answer it. Yet I made a promise as much to myself as anyone else. Ask me anything; I will answer. Her question is "What made you fall in love with Mom?"

Fall in love I did. Love her I did. Carla was central to my life from when we met in January of 1975 until I left her almost 37 years later, heartbroken at the loss of something and someone so important to me. In reality, after so many years together, she is still part of my life, emotionally connected at a distance, Mother to my children, partner in so much. You simply cannot fall in love, be in love, for that long without some sort of emotional hangover. I guess that is what we call "baggage".

I fell in love with Carla the first time I saw her. She was 18 and I was 19. It was the second week of January in 1975. It was evening, 6:45 PM to be precise, in the halls of W.J. Mouat High School in Abbotsford where we were both taking classes at the nascent Fraser Valley College. I saw her walking down the hall in front of me, peasant skirt swaying with that lilting kind of walk she has to this day. Her hair was long and soft brown, swinging freely from side to side as she made her way into the office. She was beautiful, a kind of beauty that she has to this day. And we were in geography class together.

I fell hard, smitten. I don't know why. Perhaps it was something chemical. Perhaps it was hormones. Perhaps it was the hand of God. My brother Peter once said, many years back, that he thought we had some sort of psychic connection. I am not sure. I just remember seeing her, walking, standing, laughing, talking. I remember her easy grace and gentle manner, her kindness. I also remember her strength and commitment to what she believed.

In my mind's eye that day still plays full, each detail of that single moment still clear and bright. I will ever remember that moment. I remember sitting with her that night in the cafeteria during class break. I am not sure what we talked about but even then I knew I wanted to marry her. My life changed that night.

What made me fall in love? I guess I really don't know. But I stayed that way for a long time.