I Wish I Was Working

It's a late blog entry today. That shouldn't be too surprising; it was bound to happen sooner or later. So now we all know that I can go through a morning without writing. Next, can I go through a full day? I doubt it.

Today started off as a normal day, almost. I got up, got dressed, had my coffee then took my daughter Kate to the airport. She is returning to Toronto after coming to Calgary from Yellowknife. After dropping her off, I went to do a couple of minor errands; nothing special, just the kind of normal life activities we all do in our daily routine, except mine included stopping off at the wheelchair shop to ask about a couple of chair adjustments. As it turns out, I can adjust all kinds of stuff on this chair to suit my own needs, and change them as needed.

After the wheelchair stop, I gave my brother Peter a call and asked if he wanted to meet for coffee. He works at the CBE where I used to work. He had time so I dropped by. After a nice chat and coffee, I decided to drop in on some of my once co-workers. Drop in became visit, and visit became lunch, and suddenly I had been there for three hours.

It made me realize how much I miss my work. I loved what I did and felt honoured to be able to do the kind of work that impacted thousands of people on a daily basis. Dropping by today reminded me of what losing my career has meant. My work made me feel productive, like a contributor, like I made a difference. I miss the camaraderie, working with a team, solving problems and getting things done. I think the reason I have been travelling so much since leaving work is that I am afraid of this loss of routine and reinforcement. Not working gives me too much time and too little to think about, so I run away and get busy on the road.

I am not one of those people who finds their whole identity in their work. In fact it was well known to most of my friends and co-workers that I valued my personal life as much, if not more, than my work life. I believe in work/life balance, in the need to exist in activities outside of my career. Yet I loved my work enough that I really wish I could spend more time at the office. I wish I could have continued longer, worked more.

Work, especially good work, is fulfilling. I miss it.