Going Home

I am headed home today; that means back to Calgary. It's funny how my focus on home has changed over the last few years, how it has shifted from Abbotsford to Calgary. Certainly the loss of my home and family through the divorce has had a lot to do with this change. The relationships and life I have built in Calgary also have a lot to do with it. Calgary just feels like home these days.

My first few days in Vancouver were empty. During those days I found myself calling my brother and complaining about being here, about the lack of contact from my children. He said "You mean you are unhappy coming home?" My response was immediate; "I'm not at home! Calgary is home!" I surprised even myself with that admission, the acknowledgement that my home was no longer here on the coast but in a city a thousand kilometers away, a full day's drive inland, two when the roads are bad as they are now, over the Rocky Mountains.

This in no way implies a lost loyalty for the coast. I love the sea and will always love the sea. I root for the BC Lions and the Vancouver Canucks. When my teams play the Stamps or Flames, I tell people I get to back the winning team either way. I love the mountains and forests of this Pacific province, the deep woods where the green never ends, a land filled with deer and moose and bear, rivers alive with salmon, lakes flooded with trout. I love the lifestyle of the coast, spending time on the boat, sailing year round, fishing year round, and in years gone by, golfing year round. Yet for all of this, the Fraser Valley is no longer my home.

They say that home is where the heart is; even this is not completely true. There are so many people I love here, so many people who I miss so much when I am so far away. My parents are here, my kids are here, life long friends are here. When I escaped a bad marriage and found a new life in Alberta, it did not end these relationships. Part of my heart is here, part of me still carries the deep bonds that would have held me here had I not been so firmly pushed away.

I am going home today. It will take two days of driving to get there, two days of travel over rough and dangerous roads, through terrible weather, dealing with snow and ice all the way. I am going home today, back to where I live, back to where my life is. I will never completely leave BC; I will never completely live in Alberta. That's just the way it is.