Tuesday, 31 December 2013

I Am Not An Island

It is quiet. It is still. The occasional car goes by, muffled by the snow on the street below. The trees are coated in a skin of frost, white, brittle, waiting for the first wind to shake them loose. I am still, calm. There are errands to be done; I will do them later. There are chores to be done; I will do them later. I sit here now, watching the light flakes of snow float by, sometimes horizontal, sometimes vertical, sparse and spare. I think of a song by Simon and Garfunkel, "I Am A Rock". The first verse...

"A winter's day
In a deep and dark December
I am alone
Gazing out my window
To the street below
A freshly fallen silent shroud of snow
I am a rock, I am an island."

The song continues, talking about a man alone, a man who wants no friends, for friends cause pain; a man who does not want to love, for loving causes pain. I am not that man. I revel in the joy of living and loving, taking the pain and pleasure of both.

Yesterday, as I was wheeling my way into town, I got a text from a friend asking me to dinner, he invited Kate too. A moment later another text from another friend, making plans for a New Year's Eve party tonight. I came home to the gifts and goodies from my Christmas Gift Exchange dinner with friends. I am not alone; I am not a rock; I am not an island.

Today Kate has gone to see her friends in Fort McMurray. Her flight was at 5:45 AM so we were up at 4:00 AM and on the road at 4:30 AM. I came home and went back to bed. When I awoke, finally, at 10:00 AM, there were more messages, texts from friends waiting to be read on my phone.

Certainly I have my lonely days, those days when I miss having a lover in my life. Certainly there are those alone days, where everyone is busy and I must do as many must do, and do things on my own. Certainly there are days where I feel like I have nobody. Yet I have so many full days, so many days with life in them, that this day, this day alone, this day with just me in it, is not lonely. I am not a rock; I am not an island.

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