Dual Thoughts

My arms are shaking and weak today. I can barely hold onto a piece of cheese. My coffee sits beside me, waiting for me to spill it. I just took a big bite out of the left side of my inner lip. I really don't want to write about this disease, but it steals so much of my attention lately. It's like the only actor on my life's stage.

Other actors will enter my life's stage today. Company is coming! My brothers, Peter and Jim are coming to celebrate my 60th birthday with me tomorrow, as are my friends Chris, Chris and Dianne. Many others will be with me tomorrow as I celebrate at the Cat N' Fiddle Pub here in Calgary. It will be a fun evening, both tonight and tomorrow night.

I just took a sip of coffee. The cup shook a fair bit on the trip from the table to my lip. There was no spillage. I'm thinking of having another piece of prosciutto and Swiss cheese, but my lip still hurts from the last attempt, a piece of which still sits in front of me. It doesn't matter; I'm not really that hungry.

I come alive with other people. Having anyone around me seems to make life better. I simply am not a solo act; I am an extrovert of the highest order. Other people give to me through their energy and laughter. That's what brings this stage of my life alive, what gives is meaning, that I should interact and be involved with those who love me and those whom I love.

I wish the spasms would stop in my upper arms. It makes them even weaker. It hurts right now as I type. My fingers are shaking and my hands are tired, even after a few paragraphs. I just had a second sip of coffee. At least I didn't choke on it. I choke on something almost every time I eat. Nothing big, often something as small as a bit of pepper or a sip of water. I'm doing good so far this morning.

While days often start with difficulty and challenge, as soon as I get out into the world, as soon as I get involved with other people, my days get better. I am usually strongest in the afternoon, most likely because I have had time to populate my world with interaction. Today will be like that, a play in the mode of my life, some action, some thought, some words.