Not Much Of A Future

One of the biggest challenges for me these days is living a normal life. That includes a normal sex life. I am single. If I didn't have ALS I would be out meeting women and starting relationships and having fun. I think you know what I mean when I say "fun". Even being in a wheelchair is a handicap I can overcome; being handicapped is not necessarily a handicap in these matters.

On the other hand, having a terminal illness is definitely a problem. Most, if not all, women are looking for something beyond a short term relationship. Regardless of who they are or what their position in life, what pretty much every one of them wants is a man who can come in, sweep them off their feet, and carry them off on a white horse into the sunset. Okay, maybe not that much, but they are looking for something with some duration, a relationship with some legs.

I don't blame them for that. Isn't that what everyone wants? Most people are hard-wired to want to love and be loved. Most of us would like someone to spend our years with. In my case, it's only months. No matter how interesting, dynamic, brave or exciting I am; no matter what travel and adventures I can do, all that I can offer is what I can offer. It's a pretty poor hand in the poker game of life.

Some have said "there is someone out there for everyone". Bullshit. There isn't, or if there is she is somewhere off in Asia Minor herding goats, willing to accept almost anything to get into a country where she has a hope at a real life.

Let me share an experience with you. I met a woman recently. She is in a wheelchair too. She has MS and faces multiple challenges in her life. She lives in a care home. She is a writer and author. She has a son she depends on for help. She is divorced. She is interested in men and having a relationship. She is near my age. We started talking about care homes and facilities, something I will have to deal with soon. Over a few weeks the conversations expanded to include life, children, personal challenges and even sex.

So I asked her for a date. Her response? She said "I have thought of you that way but one things has prevented me from pursuing this. I don't want to get attached to a man who has been given not much of a future."

It sucks.