Paradise

It's another beautiful morning here in Calgary, the blue sky running without interruption to a horizon gently settled in an almost invisible soft white, the air still and cool, the sun blazing in through my living room window at the perfect angle, oblique and filtered by the curtains just enough to shade my view yet broad and clear enough to light every corner, the warmth already making it just uncomfortable enough for me to think of opening the sliding patio door, even though the temperature outside is hovering around the freezing mark.

I remember being in Hawaii shortly after I got married. The girl who was my wife was, even then, an enthusiastic shopper. She was not a buyer, just a shopper. She could spend hours in a store and yet come away having spent nothing more than time. We were in Waikiki, standing on a sidewalk, exploring the local shops when a downpour fell, a burst of rain thunderous and biblical, flooding the streets, overwhelming the drains, running up onto the sidewalks pushing the refuse of the gutters along with it. It was a juxtaposition, this clear and warm water from the skies and this dirty dampness at our feet.

By way of escape we dashed into a small souvenir shop, a T-shirt shop, one of the ubiquitous small shops that forever line the streets of that tourist mecca, offering useless trinkets and shirts guaranteed to last no longer than a week past the last day of your vacation. That's when I saw it, the t-shirt with the ultimate reminder of life, whether here or there, and the way we must all face our realities. The slogan on the t-shirt said "Just another shitty day in paradise".

It kind of feels like that this morning. While it is certainly not Hawaii, this place is not without its beauty and charm. Proximity to the mountains helps, as does proximity to the great plains and foothills. The forest lands are beautiful in their colours and the crisp air comes and goes at night, leaving the days to wallow in the warmth of the autumn sun. Up against the soaring peaks there are wild beasts safely tucked away in the woods, all carefully fenced off to keep them in their space and we in ours. It will be warm today but not too warm, sunny and clear skies, light breeze and gentle air.

In all of this, I sit. No plan, no intent, no goal, no action required. I sit, waiting for the next thing to happen, waiting for the next show to start, waiting for the next errand to run. I sit, readying myself for the excursion across the street to get my blood tested yet again. I sit, because I cannot stand. I sit, because there is nothing to move me. I sit, living another shitty day in paradise.