No Panic Attack This Morning

A week or so back I was having trouble with being too cold, shivering while in bed. Last night it was just the opposite; I sweat so much I left stains on the sheets so bad that it is time to change the bed again. This is getting to be a nuisance. I didn't sleep much last night either, a combination of worry over apartment renovations and general insomnia. To top it all of, I woke up early and simply could not get back sleep.

At least the dreaded anxiety attacks seem to be over. While I was at the ALS clinic the other day, a routine event so common now that it doesn't really even deserve a blog entry, I talked to the neurologist about my depressive episode and my panic attacks in the mornings. He suggested we look at a mild anti-depressant. I was reluctant at first, having dealt with Prozac a decade ago, a medication that left me feeling like I was only half-way there. The only thing Prozac really did was make it easier for my ex-wife to manage me.

Then we went on to talk about Pseudo-Bulbar Affect, a problem which seems to be getting worse for me. I come to tears for things all out of proportion to their importance. It is beginning to make me uncomfortable in public, lest an episode happen at a completely inappropriate time. There is a reason the refer to it as Inappropriate Emotional Expressive Disorder these days, rather than just PBA.

When I described what was going on, the neurologist pointed out that a milder dose of the same anti-depressant would help with the PBA, so I agreed to start taking it. It is interesting that in as soon as a few days I can see the difference. The doctor said it would take a few days to cut in, but I was expecting something more along the lines of a week or so. I don't know if this is simply a placebo effect or if the new drug is helping that quickly; I don't care. I was on the rise anyway, this is just a plus.

I woke up this morning after a rugged night, a night thinking about renovations and changes and all kinds of other things, a night spent worrying for no reason about things that need not worry me. This is not a new behaviour. The new behaviour was waking, expecting the anxiety and panic attack, and not getting it. This is a much better way to start the day.