Last night Katherine uttered to me those precious words, a sentence guaranteed to send me into a paroxysm of pleasure, hours of energy and intensity unlike any other. She seems to know when to say these magic words, these words of love so sweet as to wipe away any other thoughts, words so emotional to me that my body is filled with power and strength. That's right. Last night she cuddled up next to me and said "I want to go on a road trip. I want to go to the Oregon coast."
If you know me well enough, you know that this little sentence drove me into an evening of frenzied spreadsheeting, charting out distances from destination to destination, planning stops and rest days, finding hotels and interesting places to stop, budgeting, estimating, fine tuning. She merely mentioned this idea at dinner and I was off and running, all gears going, until 10:00 PM. I barely noticed as she slipped away from the table and into the shower. I hardly heard her say she was going to bed. Then I looked up, and she was gone.
It was then that I realized that perhaps there were other things she had wanted to do with our evening. Perhaps watch some TV, or even perchance to spend an hour talking with one another. Yet there I was, head down into my vision of a road trip, planning to my hearts content. You will notice, as she pointed out to me later, that there was no commitment in her original statement. She didn't say we were going. She didn't say it was definite. Cruel woman that she is, she dangled rapture in front of me then snatched it away by saying the harshest thing possible. "Let me look at the budget and think about it."
I was heartbroken, shattered in my remorse. Once again I had confused a woman's question for her promise. Once again I had mistaken desire for intent. Once again I had launched myself into emotional space without ensuring I had a landing pad beneath me. I had this beautiful, big spreadsheet, tumescent with travel, bulging with data, filled with destinations, ready to explode off the page; and she was telling me to wait. Oh, the pain of it all.
On the other hand, I got to spend an evening with an idea; not just one idea, but two. She wanted to know if we could somehow work a side trip to Vancouver and Tofino into the mix. I'm pretty sure we will at least go to the coast. All I have to do now is get her excited enough to commit, to put aside petty worries, to go where the road takes us, as long as it takes us somewhere... stimulating.
Love your enthusiasm! I get carried away with travel planning as well. I have been living with ALS for 14 years and I have to remember that it's a lot of work for my husband to travel and plan plenty of relaxation time for him also. Still trying to get a few short trips in before the Minnesota winter hits full force. Gae
ReplyDeleteI don't quite where to begin. Actually, I do know precisely where I began... I went back to your very first post and read nearly every single word from that day to this. It has been quite a "road trip" you have taken me on! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteHere's my own overview: Toe drop in the left foot - Spring 2013. Begin the medical sleuthing in that Fall. EMG's... Back surgeries June and December 2014 ... Diagnosis February 2015. Progress thru canes.. Rolling walker ... Powerchair essentially 100% now. Life is still good. Eating, drinking limited quantities of good wine and Tito's Vodka, sleeping well, enjoying this trip to Napa with my loving Mary Beth, my 38-year partner and wife. Life is GOOD, just becoming different than it was before.
Thank you, Richard, for baring your soul over so long and through so much! You have provided a lens which allowed me and others to watch you wrestle with this disease and how you have continued to wring every joy conceivable out of your life. I hope I will do as good a job as you have as I move forward!
I have found it remarkable how astoundingly few comments have been contributed by your readers! I have not, because I have been playing "catch-up", but now I can work "in the present tense", so I'll just see what my own track record becomes!
The little "Comment as:" box below confuses me so I'll just add my ID here:
Terry Ingram, male, 77 last August 21st, father of 4, grandfather of 7, happily married for 38 years to Mary Beth, living in Westerville, Ohio.
terryingram821@gmail.com (Notice how I sneaked my birthday into my email address?) Looking forward to reading your contribution to my journey later today!
Thanks for all your hard work!!!!!!!!!