Wednesday, 2 September 2015

I Need To Relax

I'm up, dressed, and at the table. Home care has been and gone. I'm showered and stretched. Yet try as I might I cannot seem to find a good thing to say. I'm tired despite plenty of sleep last night, from around 1:00 AM to 10:30 AM, with the usual short wakenings along the way. My fingers hurt; I'm not sure if it's ALS or age related arthritis. All I know for sure is that I don't want to type.

My perfect solution to how I am feeling would be to go back to bed, to stay there for the day. Before I tumble that far, first I am going to have a cup of coffee, and perhaps something to eat. After that, we'll see. Except that I don't have the energy or enthusiasm to make the coffee or to make something to eat. I don't really see the point in it. I have plenty of stored fat on board. I can use it to keep me going.

I took my glasses off for a minute to rest my head in my hands. My arms began shaking, spasms from the weight of my head being held. I tried to shake it off, but it came back. I'm not sure what is happening today. Part of me wonders if this is still from the infection; maybe it's coming back. I hate this disease; it looks like so many different things that you can't trust your own body to tell you how it feels.

This will be a day of rest. I'm gonna sit on the couch and watch TV, maybe eat something, drink some water, some coffee too. I don't feel like having any wine or scotch; I'm just not up to it today. Nor do I really feel social. That takes energy, energy I don't have. I just need to relax.

1 comment:

  1. i know just how you feel. BTW I tried to send you a note yesterday but my eyes sent the message to who knows where. if your hands are getting too weak, now is the time to begin thinking eye gaze systems. not perfect but allows outside connection. sending you wishes for one of those fleeting good dayz! sara my (fellow PALS)