Motivation And Energy

My total dietary intake yesterday consisted of a large piece of Carrot Cake, an orange, six pitted prunes, and two cups of coffee. By the time I finally got out of bed yesterday, it was past dinnertime. I didn't really feel like preparing any food, a situation I find myself in quite often when I am alone. It takes energy to prepare a proper meal, energy which must come from somewhere.

I usually have about 6 good hours in a typical day. By "good hours", I mean hours in which I have both the motivation and energy to do something. After that, I need to rest, sometimes for the rest of the day, other times only for an hour or so. It depends on the activity level of the day. If I am doing something intense, like going through a museum or making a big dinner, I need more rest. If I am doing light duty activity, like driving my truck, I can go for longer and rest a bit less.

Today is a good example of how all of this works. This morning I was awake at 10:30 AM; Home Care was here to help me with my shower and to do my Range of Motion Exercises, typically finishing at about 12:30 or so. This two hour window is half consumed by my getting up, going to the bathroom, having a shower, and getting dressed. This is a high energy use time for me; it takes a lot out of me. The other half is my exercises, a sort of combination low intensity and high intensity set of exercise. What this means is that by the time I am done, I've used at least one of my good hours.

Then there is breakfast, a low energy process in most cases, as I avoid cooking in this process. Cooking takes a lot out of me, so I save it for when I really want to do it. By the time I am done breakfast, and writing, it's usually about 2:00 PM or so. In my usual day, this means I have about 4 hours where I will be active enough, with enough energy, to get something done.

Let's say I have laundry to do. That takes at least a couple of hours, but it's not all energy consuming. Then there is grocery shopping. That takes a few hours, and consumes a lot of energy. So on a typical day if I go shopping then come home and do laundry, I am exhausted by 6:00 PM. I need dinner and a nap.

At that point, I'll transfer to the couch, often falling asleep for an hour or two. When I wake up, I don't want to transfer off of the couch. That takes energy, and my well is nearly dry. I need a few hours of rest before I really feel I can move. If I have to, I will, but my preference at this point is to stay put. I just sit there, like a lump, and watch TV until I finally get up enough energy to make the transfer to my wheelchair and go to bed.

I sleep. I wake up the next day. I start all over again, only with ever so slightly less energy than yesterday. Every few days I need an exhaustion day, whether or not I am active in between. It all just wears me out. It takes a lot of motivation and energy to keep going. Yet I seem to be doing it.