I'm tired. I'm exhausted, weary, beat, drained, bushed, bag, worn out. And all of this is after sleeping for the night, or rather, not sleeping for much of the night. Last night I went to bed at 11:00 PM, read for about 45 minutes, then went off to sleep. I awoke at 3:00 AM to pee, and then, for the life of me, I could not get back to sleep. It was well past 5:00 AM before sleep returned to me.
Even after slumber once again settled into my realm, I was up every hour thereafter, either to pee or to rotate my body, or just because, for no good reason. Six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven. By noon I was still in bed, still trying to get a decent sleep. At 1:30 PM I finally came to the conclusion that this was as good as it was going to get. Staying in bed would bring me no further rest. The only benefit to be derived from remaining prone would be to not use any additional energy, to preserve whatever benefit I could derive from my losing battle with solemnence last night.
I hate days like this, or nights like that. They happen on an irregular basis. I don't sleep well; I don't get much rest. I wake up more tired than when I went to sleep. The next day, the morning after, is like I hadn't slept at all. I won't be rolling about in a fog all day, but I will be constantly on the edge of needing a nap. In fact Katherine has already proposed that idea, taking a nap.
Unfortunately the reason I got out of bed, other than wanting to use the toilet, is that I am expecting Alan from the ALS Society here at 4:00 PM to adjust my commode chair. Plus I have promised to make Katherine's favourite dinner tonight. I know Katherine would forgive me for bailing on dinner, but Alan from the ALS Society is heading off on vacation tomorrow, away for a few weeks, so if I don't get the commode chair fixed today, it won't happen for nearly a month. And I need that chair.
So I'm up. Whoopee. I think I will go to bed early tonight. And try to sleep, or not.
Richard, I am sorry to hear that sleep and mobility are causing big problems (and all the challenges between). You are obviously a strong person that keeps going. I also hear creativity and adaptability in your approaches to the changes you experience and face. All of this shows in your writing (along with your very strong voice). I thank you for sharing this your reality. It sticks in my thoughts and helps me to understand what my sister is going through. Please continue to 'carry on'.
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