Sunday, 18 December 2016

Another Great Christmas Party

I am in recovery, recovery from last night's party. It went so well, better than I could have hoped, yet I spent all of the evening ensconced on my couch, wheelchair put well away from me. Perhaps that is why it went so well; I got out of the way and let things happen. My friends got busy and made things happen. I admitted my emotional and physical limitations. My friends provided me with so much emotional and physical support. It all worked out the way it should.

Whenever I have one of these parties, especially the large parties with over 20 people, I worry about three things. I worry that people will not show up. I worry that there won't be enough food. I worry that people won't have a good time. All of this is irrational on my part. I've never had a party where lots of people didn't show up. There's always one or two who can't make it for whatever reason, just as there are people who I thought wouldn't make it but do. People come. That's what matters.

The whole "not enough food" thing is equally irrational. I forever make too much food on my own. Inevitably people show up with delicious side dishes and treats. The tables are always overflowing with salads, main course dishes, pastries, desserts, pies, and every other thing you can imagine. Leftovers crowd my fridge the day after; I don't have to cook for at least a week if I don't want to. There is always lots of food, yet I always feel I should have made one more salad, one more vegetable plate, one more dessert dish. That's just the way I am.

As to having fun, I have never seen a livelier, more engaging group of people. When we get together, it's so much fun it's silly. When we get together in a large group, there are small parties within the party, people having side or central conversations, people engaged with each other, laughing, enjoying the food, the wine, the company. Of course we have fun. That's how all of this started.

So I find myself today really uplifted by it all, at the same time as I am physically beaten down by it all. I am exhausted. I will be in recovery for a few days. I've noticed the changes year after year as my weakness grows, as ALS takes over more and more of me. This year was the first time I actually let it all go, gave up and submitted. It worked out so well I might try it again, if there is an "again". I hope so. I also know where I am and where I am going. I'm in no hurry to get there; I want more parties like last night.

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