Finding Fulfilment

It would be fair to say that I am exhausted. It would also say that it takes very little to make me that way. In what was a wonderful drive down from Fort Augustus to Furt William, then further down to Oban for a stop at the distillery, and finally the long push from Oban to Glasgow by way of Loch Lomond, I did not get out of the car even once. Yet all that time in the car, sitting, watching the scenery drift by, has left me more than just a bit tired.

Part of the reason is that I am still recovering from that damned bladder infection. Part of the reason is that the effort in simply sitting is tiring. Part of the reason is that, while I am on the road, I want to see as much as I can, craning my neck at every corner, looking up every hillside in the highlands, along every shore of the lochs, at every building in the many small towns we passed through

There were people who were worried that this excursion would tire me out. I knew it would. I knew it would take a lot from me, never giving an inch in return. I also knew that if I didn't do this now, I would never do it. I may have other opportunities, but I don't see them all that well in my future. With the amount of work David has had to do, this is our last "road trip" without additional help. He can't do it. I can't do it.

Yet here I am still trying, still working at living my much as much as I can. Today that included buying the single most expensive bottle of Scotch I have ever purchased. It included a stunningly beautiful drive down the Argyll coast. It included a stop beside Loch Lomond where David took my picture with our stuffed Nessie, as well as the lock, in the background.

I don't know how much longer I can live like this, or live at all. But it is better to be alive, out here, than at home fearful of what might happen to me. In the end, I know what will happen. It's just a matter of time. Better that I find fulfilment in that time.