Over And Over And Over

Believe it or not, there are some things going on in my life with ALS that I don't share in the blog. I've been asked by some to limit my posts regarding bodily functions. Some things are just too personal for me to post here; my children read this blog. Some things are repetitive, happening all to often with ALS, like falling down or dropping things or exhaustion. You can only tell those stories so often. After a while, they become the background noise, like a political speech on TV while you eat lunch. The lunch is far more interesting, even if the political speech has a substantial long term impact.

So, all of the said....

The last few days have been really difficult for me. Not difficult because they were hard to do; difficult because they wrenched away my last bit of dignity. I've been having tummy troubles for a few days now. There have been accidents along the way. My tummy continues to rumble. It still hurts a bit. However I think the worst of it is over.

I have to be careful when I talk about "the worst of it". That really happened yesterday and last night. First of all, shitting myself is what happens at times like this. It's messy, dirty, stinky and nasty. Now add tummy troubles and diarrhea. When nature calls, I am not in a position to effectinvely respond in a timely manner. Last night, thanks to my tummy trouble, I soiled myself not once, but twice. By the way, did I mention that I had an ass like a shotgun, or perhaps the spray nozzle of a hose, during this time of great activity?

These events are nothing if not undignified. For me, it takes a long time and a lot of effort to deal with, including getting into my commode chair, removing offensive clothing, cleaning myself and my clothing afterwards. By the time I have dealt with an event like this, I am exhausted. I need to rest.

Yesterday it happened twice, within a couple of hours of each other. That wasn't even the worst event. On Tuesday morning I was laying on my bed as my HCA, Kathy, dressed me. The activity of dressing me stimulated things; I didn't even make it off the bed. That goodness Kathy was there to help clean me up. On the other hand, this was another one of many humbling things which make up my life these days. Over and over and over and over...