There Is No Fairness

I hate this being sick while being sick. I am still struggling with a sore belly, although it is getting incrementally better with each passing day. Last nigh, as my Home Care Aide put me to bed, things came to a kind of head, with my rear end releasing all the pains of the days rather suddenly. Alas, there was not enough time to get me back into the sling. In fact even the attempt sped things along, making a difficult situation even messier. In the end, if you willf forgive the pun, she just cleaned me up.

Today I am still dealing with lower end discomfort. I am feeling better, just not good. I suspect a few more days and whatever it is attacking me from within will have passed, leaving me once again to deal with the simple challenges of ALS. But you never know. My body is slowly failing me. I have no idea what will happen next.

One of the most frustrating things with ALS is the way it imitates and hides other things. Weakness from a stomach ailment could just as well be weakness from ALS. Lack of appetite from some other illness could just as easily be lack of appetite from ALS.. Exhaustion from battling some infection or other merely blends into the perpetual exhaustion of ALS.

I would like to say it's not fair, except that there is no "fair". Fair is a human emotional construct. The human body, daily existence, life in general, these things know nothing of fairness. Life just fulfills its random function, carrying on in spite of how you think it should be. I think there's a lot of unhappiness where people expect life to be the way they want it without realizing that it won't conform to their wants or need for fairness.

I could be very unhappy with this perception of unfairness. I could wail and complain about how my life has been wrecked or how my body has failed me. There is no point. What I do instead is accept that this is how I will be today. Tomorrow will be different. Nobody knows how; all that is random.

For now, however, I would be very happy if my tummy would get better and my energy level would build up a bit. We'll have to see. There are no guarantees.