Not Motivated

I am tired, worn out. I have done nothing today other than chat on Facebook and watch Netflix. Oh, and I folded a towel and a shirt from the laundry I did yesterday. Yet my arms hurt. My left shoulder hurts, and now the right one is getting in the game too. My hands are getting tired when I type more than a few lines, my wrists too. I had forgotten that my wrists are part of this process; they have muscles in them, not just bone.

This weariness, if that is the right word for it, has been with me all week. I ran out of milk on Saturday. Rather than go over to Safeway, I used Bailey's in my coffee and forwent pancakes on Sunday. On Monday I asked my HCA to get it for me while I was hanging about in my sling, something this is definitely not supposed to do.

All week I have had $200 in USD and a check for $19 in my wallet, waiting for me to go to the nearest credit union to deposit. Yet all week I have demured, rather sitting in my chair, watching something on Netflix, or napping. That post-brunch nap has become a constant of about 2 or 3 hours, making my day increasingly shorter. It's also less effort, so my evenings seem better than my days.

This is kind of new; it's been sneaking up on me for a while. I am in a place where I am beginning to do almost anything to avoid expending energy, to avoid effort in any way. I just don't feel up to it. I know that there are things which will inspire me to action, things which will energize me. People come to visit, and I get upbeat. Yet beyond that incentive to interaction, I prefer to sit these days, mostly not moving.

I don't like this feeling, this inaction. I just can't seem to get past it. I am not motivated. Mostly, I am just tired.