Tomorrow Is A Long Way Off

The loss of use of my left arm yesterday didn't so much scare me as it did remind me of where all this was going. ALS doesn't take things suddenly. It creeps up until something fails for the first time, mostly likely when you are tired. Then, like me today, some level of functionality returns, after a night of rest. My left upper arm is not working. My left lower arm is working today. My left hand is fairly functional, along with my left wrist.

Notwithstanding the return in function of my left arm, there are still plenty of things which have become impossible, or nearly impossible, thanks to its slow failing. Try opening a can of sardines, the kind with the pull off lid, with only one hand. It's not easy. Ask me how I know. Then there is the whole pill taking routine. For a long time I have put my pills in my left hand, tossed them into my mouth, then had a sip of water from a cup held in my right hand. Now I have to used my right hand to help my left hand up to my mouth, so a caregiver had to hold the cup for me, or it has to sit beside me on a table or stand.

Putting groceries away has become decidedly difficult; last night Kabira put them away for me. Getting things in and out of the fridge, especially if they weigh more than 500 grams or so, is tremendously difficult. I can still do it. It just takes longer, requires more effort, and has the high probability of a spill.

Today I am going to find out how I will do taking laundry out of the dryer. Samhar put it in the dryer, but had to leave before it was done. I am fairly sure I can do it. Most of the work is done by my right hand. The problem comes with trying to open the laundry room door with a basket of laundry on my lap and a useless left arm. That should be exciting.

Loss of one arm will eventually be followed, slowly, but the loss of the other. That will be a touchpoint, a decision point, a time when facts must be faced. I didn't really want things to go this far, yet here I am, willing staying. I simply don't know how I will feel in a few months. I can't look that far ahead. Even tomorrow is a long way off.