Monday, 11 May 2015

Behind The Wheel Again Today

I'm going to hit the road again today. It's not that staying at my Mom's isn't good; it's very good. But the combination of needing a hotel for a shower, having to drive out to Abbotsford to see my accountant, and the general good feeling I get when driving, all makes me want to get behind the wheel once again. It's where I find freedom and some measure of peace.

It's going to be bad when I lose the ability to drive. At least, I think it's going to be bad. Every time ALS takes something away from me, I think of different ways to live, different was to accomplish old tasks, different ways to remain independent. I suspect it will be the same when I become trapped in a power wheelchair, unable to drive or walk, perhaps unable to lift or carry. I will find other ways to do things, other ways to feel that feeling, the feeling of freedom and independence.

Today my plan is, as noted, to drive out to Abbotsford. From there I will head across the border into the US. In many ways, it doesn't really matter where I go. I've been both north and south, east and west from here. I've already been on these roads, seen much of what there is to see. My plan, this time, is to be more like the tourist I was on the way to Vancouver. For example, I plan on spending at least two days in almost every location. Olympia, Washington is my first target.

Perhaps this is why I like to travel; it allows me to have goals, targets in an directionless life. That's also what the problem is with being stuck in my apartment. I have no target, no goal, no place to go or place to be. I am goal oriented; I need to be moving towards something, or perhaps away from something, in order to feel alive, to be motivated. My ultimate goal on this trip is San Francisco, to see a friend. Then, with any luck, homeward bound.

Of course the reason for this road trip, and my last, remains the same. My elevator is still not working. I'm hoping for month end. Regardless, that will be when I return home. I am running out of time, out of money, out of energy. Eventually I have to stop. Not yet; I am still in motion. Just eventually. Everything comes to an end.

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