Friday, 22 May 2015

I'm Not Motivated To Move

The desert is gone, behind me, back there about 200 miles. There is no more sun outside. It's a dull and dreary day outside, grey and raining, clouded skies. That's the way I feel inside too, dull, grey, cloudy. My motivation level is low; I don't really want to get moving. All I really want to do is sit here, surf the web, watch TV, rest.

This will not be my day today. I have a room booked in Couer D'Alene, about 6 1/2 hours north of here. There's pretty much nothing but mountain wilderness between me and my next bed. I've prepaid the rooms, so I want to get there. It doesn't really matter if I get there at 7:00 PM or 10:00 PM, so I don't have to push myself while driving.

What I really have to do is get going, get motivated to make the voyage. What I really have to do is get dressed, take my pills, pack, load my gear, get in the truck and start driving. My first stop, just across the street, will be to fuel up. I want to do it here in Oregon; this is a full service state, no self serve here. It means I don't have to search for someone to put gas in the truck for me.

Next, perhaps McDonald's for a breakfast sandwich and coffee, that is if they are still serving breakfast. I suspect they aren't; breakfast seems to end at about 10:30 AM everywhere I go. I must be one of a very few people who actually sleeps until 10:00 AM. So if not that, then just a coffee. Fortunately I have some peeled oranges, Baby Bell cheeses, and other snacks. I can just go, without worrying about eating.

In all of this, there is still no motivation. I am not doing this because I want to; I am doing it because I feel like I have to. I could, if I really wanted, just stay here. All it would cost is a night's hotel booking. I need to stop thinking like that. I need to keep myself moving. To stop, to give up, is to die.


  1. Bad day sweetheart, hope it gets better as it progresses.
    love you

  2. I fell again I'll share feeling gray inside with you. Let's hang in there together!

    1. I am sorry to hear that you fell, Audrey. At least the wheelchair has taken care of that risk for me.