Saturday, 21 May 2016

Excutite Ergo Sum

I'm a little late in writing; not a lot, just a little. In part my tardiness is related to the shaking and weakness I am feeling in my hands. That same feeling is taking place in my arms, both upper and lower, and even in what remains of my legs and feet. Yes, I am shaking all over. This shaking is not related to diet; Katherine made me a full breakfast this morning and we had a terrific dinner last night. Nor is it related to alcohol; I barely had a couple of sips last night. Nor is it related to exhaustion; I slept well last night, for 12 full hours.

I've had days like this before, days where the shakiness and weakness seemed more intense than others. It's hard to type on days like this; not in the physical sense of moving my fingers, but in the sense that I keep making typographical errors. My typing is hit and miss. So I spend a fair bit of time stopping, correcting, going back.

The really odd thing is that I don't feel particularly weak at this moment. I can still do whatever it is that I need to do. What I really feel is unsteady, unbalanced, as if I am going to shake constantly in the middle of whatever it is I am doing. I just held my hand out and it looked like there was a small earthquake going on at the end of my arm, but I had no trouble picking up my coffee cup.

Speaking of coffee cups, it's a good thing mine was only half full. The shaking of the cup did not bring on a spill; it wasn't quite violent enough. It was clearly noticeable, and if that cup had been truly full, it would have truly runneth over, not through volume but through spillage. I have to be careful today, careful to minimize the slop and drop as I move along.

This is not new. This will pass. I am not sure if it is truly a part of ALS, a reaction to my medications, or some other mystery within me. It doesn't matter. It's just another part of life, my life. I shake, therefore I am. "Excutite Ergo Sum"; perhaps that should be my new motto, assuming my Latin is correct.

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