I'm Going Out

I need to get out of here. I've spent my whole day so far just laying about doing nothing. I didn't even make it into a sitting position until well after 1:00 PM. There is no Katherine here to encourage me. There is no reason for me to be up at a particular time, nor any reason to go to bed at a particular time. But sitting around all day is not good for me.

The biggest distance I have gone, the biggest movement of the day, has been to the bathroom. That, of course , takes energy on my part, so it is not to say that I have not exerted myself. I've even managed to make it into the kitchen and make a cup of coffee for myself. But I am, basically, moribund, laying in terminal decline, totally lacking in vigour.

So in a few minutes I am going to make the rather arduous transfer to my power wheelchair. I am going to head out for a 30 roll across to an area nearby known as Brentwood. I will reward myself by purchasing a bottle of my favourite Scotch, from which I may or may not imbibe this evening. It matters little. Then I will make the return trip, down sidestreets, through parks, passing pleasantly kept homes and gardens along the way.

I will breath in the air, fresh from a passing rainstorm. If the rain returns, I will get wet. If the sun is hot, I will be wearing a cap. If the wind blows, I will have my hoodie. I will, most importantly of all, be outside, free from the encapsulating four walls of my small apartment, free to feel the open sky above me and the solid ground below me, free to roam at will, at least until the battery in my wheelchair compels me to return home.

There are limitations in every life, boundaries of ability and time, which compel us down certain paths, empower certain decisions. It is not only me who needs to get outdoors. It is not only me who needs to feel the wind, rain, and sun. It is not only me who needs to be free of four walls, even if only for a brief halcyon moment which I will store in my memory. We all need these things, these moments of escape, liberation from the limitations we imagine are there. I'm going to go out, not for anything in particular, but just to remind myself that I can.