Saturday, 14 January 2017

Chris, Chris, Richard and Peter; CCRaP Meeting

I'm going to try to write. I just said that to Chris as he handed me some of his home made fruitcake, a treat I love to receive from him each year. The other Chris is sitting beside me, chatting on and off about this and that, while Peter sits in the living room watching golf on TV. These men provide me with real intellectual distraction, so it's hard to get my mind off of what's happening around me and into writing my blog.

This is no complaint. In fact it is one of the greatest gifts I can be given these days, the gift of time. Having them here, all in a group, is a call back to our past days of winter sailing, time on board in chill weather, time in small pubs at local ports, late nights of chatter on board ship. Having them here is a memory writ live in time, a recall of better days. Or perhaps these are the better days. Either way, I like having them here.

No, I don't like having them here. I love having them here. Would that I could spend the rest of my days surrounded constantly by such loving and giving men. Would that there were someone with me, someone rounding off the rough edges of so many days and nights. This is what is truly the toughest part of my life these days, that I spend so much time without them, without anyone really. I run this race solo so often. Now, to have companions, this is what I need most.

I will confess to being tired. Yes, I stayed up late. Yes, I drank too much Scotch. Yes, I am going to do it again tonight. That's what we do in these days together. This is our time, a time I will not easily let go. Unfortunately it is a time which will easily let go of me. They must return to their lives, go back to BC, go home to their own families. I have my life here, and I am so grateful when they come to be a part of it, especially now that it is becoming increasingly difficult for me to go see them.

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