Thinking About Things

I have a four day weekend this week. No work for Friday and Monday is a holiday here in Alberta. That means for four days I get to sit around and do nothing. That might seem like a good thing to you but for me it is anything but. I need to keep busy; it distracts me from my condition. I like to feel productive and there is not much for me to be productive at while sitting at home thinking about things.

There are things to think about, not all of them good things. For example I have pretty much lost the ability to do any steps at all unless they are shallow. I cannot lift my feet more than a couple of inches of the ground. When I go to trivia, for example, someone has to help me get my feet up the two steps into the room. I can get down those steps just fine, but I'll be damned if my feet will lift that last half inch for the step. What's worse is there is no handrail so the whole operation is problematic.

On the other hand, it is amazing and wonderful to me that my friends will help me lift my feet up those steps, along with helping ensure I get in and out of the elevator as well us up and down from the seats. These are the kindnesses that make a life with some modicum of normalcy possible. It continually surprises me when I feel the care and concern they express, while at the same time the respect for me as a person that they show. They seem to have found a surprising ability to balance care and compassion with my need to feel capable and competent.

Driving is another thing I have to think more about these days. I need hand controls now so I am having them installed with the lift seat and wheelchair crane. All in all my truck will be well configured to keep me going for a while yet. Nonetheless there will be limits on what I can do and I have no doubt that my insurance will be more expensive. There too I need to balance my need for care with my need to feel capable.

Since I can drive, I am planning a road trip for the Spring Break. My son and I are going to drive from Calgary to Monument Valley, then over to Las Vegas via the Grand Canyon and then back home. With the truck properly rigged I will be able to do more than my share of the driving. This is a good thing and I am enjoying the planning.

There's lots more to think about, the daily humdrum of life is no different for me than it is for most, except for this minor health issue. I try not to think about that.