It's Not Where, It's How

It's a travel day today. I am in Vernon. This must be BC since the sky is cloudy and overcast. The sun is hidden and the world has that sense of gray that can only come from the threat of rain. The temperature is -3 C; that means the possibility of snow. It is a dreary day, not much of an advertisement for the beauty of the Okanagan Valley here in south, central BC.

I've been thinking a lot about how my life will end as I make this road trip. It's not so much how it will end, but where. I am doing a lot of thinking about where I will go, where I will live, and how I will live. It's something I have said for many years; it's not really important where I live, it's how I live.

I love the ocean and miss it desperately. I miss the freedom and joy of being on it, the serenity of gazing over it and the life it raises ever before me. Yet the ocean will take me away from what are arguably the best services in the country for ALS, those to be had here in Calgary. If I go to BC, I will be closer to my family, closer to my Mother, my children and my grandchildren. If I leave Calgary I will be leaving my friends, the people who have been close to me throughout the last few months, the people who have supported me and cared for me, helped me and been kind to me.

I'm also thinking about travel. I am really looking forward to a road trip at the end of March. I love the journey, the trip from here to there, whether by land or sea. I want to continue to explore. The problem is that, once again, I am solo in this effort. I cannot ask my son to give up even more of his life to wander around the continent in my truck. He needs to work, he needs to own his life and to live it.

I can still travel alone and it will be better once I get the hand controls in my truck. But I come back to a variation on my earlier theme; I don't care where I go, I care how I go. It would be so nice to have someone who could be on the journey with me. One thought I had was to post an ad on Craigslist looking for a travel companion. At the end though, I want to go.

Maybe I should just drive south as far as possible, getting the ferry past the Darein Gap in Panama, heading for Punta Arenas. Maybe I should combine my love of travel and my love of the sea, and find someone to take me out to sea in the great Southern Ocean. Maybe I should finish there.

But then someone would have to come and get my truck.