Living Space

My son was out with me yesterday doing some errands. He is getting frustrated at spending all his time hanging around me. It comes out at times, just as my frustrations with him come out sometimes. He and I are very different people with very different ways; it's not always a good thing.

We were talking about his frustration and he said it might be better if he got his own place to live, a place nearby where he could come over rather than be in a space that wasn't his own. Then, under his breath, he said lightly "if that is still possible". I asked him what he meant, and he said "I see you having more and more difficulty each day".

It's true. My struggle to get up and down from my chair, in and out of my truck, to and fro in the kitchen; all these get tougher each day. It is tough enough that some days I consider not getting out of my wheelchair when I get home from work. It is tough enough that there are a good many days when I don't feel like cooking or doing anything other than watching TV and having a glass of wine.

WAIT! That sounds almost normal. I know all kinds of people in my age group who come home from work tired out, looking forward to just taking it easy. Lots of my friends tell me they don't cook all that much because after a long day of work they just don't feel like it.

So what is the difference for me? I suppose it's just one of degree. When I am tired it affects more than just my energy level. It affects my physical level and my emotional level. Tired for me is more than a feeling, it is a deeply binding state that moves to exhaustion for almost any activity more than sitting. It's harder. Then again, I am not the only one with problems.

I correspond with a few people these days. One of them is a woman with MS. She is in a wheelchair and recently said to me that ALS was like MS on speed. She was saying we could compare notes but my hard luck story would always win. I smiled at that point of view. It's true, but it's not a contest I would wish for anyone to win.

So back to my son. He is having a rough ride of this too. Maybe he needs to get his own place regardless. It might be time for me to look into some sort of assisted living facility.