A Living Day

I went to work yesterday. I was a commitment I had made when I left, that I would come back to do some training and knowledge transfer. I wanted to do it, I felt it would be good for me. The last month away from work has seen some decline in my strength and endurance. The day exhausted me.

Work is supposed to be tiring, even when it is very rewarding. It's not just the work, though. It's getting up in the morning, getting dressed, making coffee, getting down to my truck, driving into the office, and getting up to my desk. All of this has to take place before I even get started. It's tiring just to get to work.

The other challenge is how quickly I run out of breath, and out of strength. Going to a meeting, wheeling myself to the printer and back, going for lunch; all of this is equally as tiring as the process of getting to work. In between all this stuff that makes me tired I managed to get some work done too.

Here is the real tough part. Work is easy, it's fun and enjoyable. I like doing what I do and I gain great fulfillment from it. The work part is not the hard part. The hard part is all the other stuff that surrounds my work.

I am going back to the office today and then tomorrow I make a presentation at a Professional Development day. I don't know that this will be my last time in the work environment. I have been asked if I will come in and do some "spot consulting"; in other words I might go in now and again to provide "opinion" on projects and processes. I may even do some more training.

Part of me wants to do this, the excited, interested, thinking part of me. The tired part of me, this physically worn out shell that I live in, does not want to do this. The part of me that loves the feedback, the interaction, the affirmation of work well done; these parts of me make me want to get up and go. The aching arms, non-functional legs, failing breath; these parts of me lobby for me to stay in bed late and, once out of bed, sit around all day relaxing.

Today I am going to listen to my spirit; tomorrow too. My body is just a failing shell. The real me is the person who uses and lives inside of this body. I am my spirit and soul, not just a physical machine. Today I will push the physical machine and live with the results.

Live is the operative word.