Wednesday, 24 April 2013

Is This How It Looks?

Is this what retirement looks like? Is this how it goes?

I got up this morning at 9:30 AM, desperately wishing the sun would not rise, would not glare in my window or heat the room to where I had to throw back the covers just to stop the sweat from beading and clinging to me, making the sheets sticky and making me feel the same. I got up and used my arms to fling my useless legs over the edge of the bed. Then, I put on "leisure pants". These are basically fancy pajama bottoms, the ones kids nowadays seem to think are suitable day wear. I pulled on a shirt that was sitting beside my bed.

A shower is definitely in my future today. I need one after the super-heating I got while trying to outlast the sunshine in my window. Clothing of a more suitable fashion is also in the plan, sometime today. For now I sit in these most casual of garments, drinking my morning latte and wondering about my day.

Is that how it will be? Will I get up each day with one or two small tasks on my list, then wonder about what else to do? My life has always been a busy one, filled with much to accomplish, a long list of assignments and goals. Today my most significant goal is getting into, and out of, the shower. I have to figure out what to do with the rest of my day.

Were I physically capable, I could come up with a great many things to do. It's a wonderful day for a golf game, but I cannot walk. It might be time to check out the local lakes for fishing, but I cannot get my wheelchair to the lake shore. I am thinking I might go for a drive, perhaps to the hoodoo's of Drumheller, but I don't want to go alone.

Will tomorrow be like this too? Will this pointlessness continue? This is part of the reason I went for the road trip right after leaving my work. I knew I would need a focus, a goal each day. At least with the road trip I would wake up each morning with an assignment - get up, get dressed, drive somewhere. Travel fills the day, so I don't have to sit and think about ALS.

So there you go. I have been home for a week and now I want to go away again. Maybe that's how it should look.


  1. It looks so sad Rick. Maybe Fred is right. Start an essay on ALS for the ALS society to pass around to the patients of ALS. Then go out for a ride in your wheelchair in the sunshine if you can and have a coffee at Tims.
    I wish I could be with you. Maybre my ideas are not feasible. People are what you need right now.

  2. The transition from busy working guy to retired guy is a big one. Including ALS in the equation both increases the level of difficulty and gives you a focus each day. How to live to the maximum while the sun shines.