Tuesday, 22 December 2015

Anger Is Pointless

It would seem that, even though I am on the Alberta Assured Income for the Severely Handicapped program, my income is not really assured. Notwithstanding the application and approval based on my CPP payment, the AISH program is required to look at my CPP authorized amount. That amount is $1,180. My ex-wife filed for, and receives $138 off my cheque as a CPP equalization; she is legally entitled to this money. It's hers, notwithstanding that she works, lives in a $400,000 home with no mortgage, and rents out the basement to our daughter.

The AISH representative originally looked at how much I received, not my entitlement. That didn't work out, so my ex-wife still gets her $138 a month, and my AISH payment drops by that same amount. No matter what I do, I will be paying the price of a bad marriage for the rest of my life. Hell hath no fury...

I could get angry about this. I guess I am angry at some level. There is a definite unfairness in all this, that she would be earning more, living better, taking money from me, while I am compelled to beg from family and friends to make ends meet. I have to remind myself that she has her side of the story, and that she is legally entitled to a portion of my CPP no matter what I have to say about it. I should have negotiated better in the divorce. Clearly she had a better lawyer, or a least a meaner lawyer.

Anger is such a wasted emotion. The only person you hurt with anger is yourself. My ex-wife not only doesn't care, but probably doesn't even know about my anger. Certainly she has no concern for my well-being. I get that. I left her. We went through a divorce. She is simply making the most of what she can get. I might as well not even exist but for that $138 a month. To her, I am still all about the money I provide.

Ah, so there is some anger. I'm going to work hard to put that aside, to focus instead on all I have here in my life. I'm going to focus on Katherine, on Katie and my other children, on my friends, on my quality of living, on the amazing support systems which are in place here for me. Those are worth a lot more than a measly $138 a month.


  1. You must be joking richard,some people are born with a heart and some people simply are not.

    1. I am compelled to laugh because it is no joke.

    2. And don't forget, she has her side of the story. I suspect I would be the villain were she the one telling it.