Monday, 14 December 2015

Another Zopiclone Morning

I'm barely functioning right now. The effort involved in typing, the thought involved in creating these words, they seem beyond me right now, as if happening in a dream somewhere outside my consciousness. Ten hours ago, I took a Zopiclone; I was tired, exhausted really, but I couldn't get my mind to shut down, to rest. So I took the pill. It's still affecting me, still making my eyelids heavy, still disconnecting my thoughts from my body.

I had trouble last night sleeping because I started to worry about how I will pay for groceries and such in January.I get about $1,550 from AISH and CPP-D. That is now the sum and total of my income. On the other side of the ledger, my mortgage is $475 every two weeks. My condo fees are $416 a month. My taxes are $125 a month. That's roughly $1.500 a month. That leaves me $50 to cover utilities, groceries, gas, food, etc, etc, etc,

At a minimum I run about $500 short each month. Katherine helps. She buys most of my groceries these days. That takes care of eating. However without electricity, cooking becomes a major challenge Then there's the cost of fuel, maintenance, insurance and registration for my truck. That's another thing which will have to go soon enough. Then there are sill things like entertainment, clothing, wheelchair repairs, and whatever else have you. Maybe it's more than $500 a month.

I've asked my kids to help; I am sure they will where they can. On the other hand, there is only so much they can do. In the end, I simply didn't die on time. I'm supposed to be happy about this, but it keeps me awake at night. Hence the Zopiclone. Hence my dozy writing.

I think I'm gonna go take a nap.

1 comment:

  1. 8relate. I was diagnosed May 7, 2015 but noticed symptoms middle of 2013 and kept working until middle of 2014. The first treatment that the neurologist prescribed to me was 100 mg ZOLOFT, strong antidepressant and Riluzole.The only effect I notice is no tears, still depressed, still suicidal and anxiety ridden, but can't get any docto to prescribe me Zanax, the only drug that provided me with relief.