Responsible Behaviour, I Think Not

I am in a quandry, a predicament, a practical dilemma. Of course it arises out of someone doing something extremely generous for me. A friend has given me a gift of $400 with no strings attached, completely unexpectedly, telling me it was "just because". The only comment for this gift was the one that came with the e-mail Interac notification, that I should "Use as needed, travel?".

First of all, the kindness and generousity of this gift is wonderful, especially in its completely unexpected form. I had not asked; I did not expect; I was not aware. It just magically arrived as an Interac transfer in my email. Surprised and shocked, I immediately called my benefactor and asked "why", and was once again told "just because", "no strings, no reason".

So my quandry is this. What do I do with this wonderful gift of $400? You see, it's very clear that there is no target for this money. As the email said, I can use it for whatever I need, be that bills, booze, or travel. I can squander it on refilling my depleted liquor cabinet. I can use it for gas for a road trip in my truck. I can buy something nice, something very nice, all for myself. Or I can be responsible, using it to pay down my credit card or catch up on my overdue condo fees. And then there is July; next month is a month with three mortgage payments. This money would cover most of that.

You see, I still have this responsible person somewhere inside me, telling me to do responsible things as I have done most of my life. In the past a gift like this would have gone to catching up on bills or purchasing needed things for my family, minus, of course, a very small portion as a treat for myself. But these days being responsible doesn't seem like the best of ideas; it hasn't helped me so far. I still have ALS, notwithstanding all my responsible behaviour. Nor has being irresponsible made a great deal of difference in my life. In fact irresponsibility seems to have improved my quality of life.

I know one thing for certain. This money will not be put aside for a rainy day. I am not investing it in my retirement plan. I will not save it for the future. I have no future. I only have the present, and this present to spend in the present.

My preference would be to spend it unwisely, or perhaps combine it with some other cash from friends and family to do another road trip. It's certainly a good start. Maybe I can head off to northern Manitoba in July, a place I have not been since I was 18 years old. Perhaps one more trip down to California, in the fall, but then again that's several months away and who knows what will happen between now and then.

Of all the places to be, this quandry is a good one. It's given me some fun choices to make, with no expectations of any outcome. I will savour this dish, tasting the decision slowly, parceling the treat out one small piece at a time. I don't think I will behave responsibly, at least not this time.