Wednesday, 1 June 2016

Day Five Without Katherine

Katherine has been gone only five days, yet I am already more than convinced that without her, I would have given up long ago. It's not just that I miss her, although it is true; I am a relationship guy and do better with someone in my life. It's not what she does for me, and it's a lot. It's the way she treats me, the way she talks to me. It's how she upholds my life.

I have yet to hear Katherine complain about who I am. Certainly she will let me know when she feels I am being lazy or unreasonable or difficult. What she doesn't do is say things like "If only you were..." or "If only you could...". Katherine takes me the way I am, good and bad, and seems very much to love me, failings and all.

She is tremendously kind to me. When I fall, she helps me up. When I cry, she comforts me. When I laugh, she laughs with me. It reminds me of a quote from Thomas à Kempis, a Dutch theologian born in the 14th century. "Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of trouble, attempts what is above its strength, pleads no excuse of impossibility; for it thinks all things are lawful for itself, and all things possible." This is why I miss Katherine so much, after only five days.

I can get by. I will plod along through this valley of darkness until the light shines on her return to me. I'm lonely, sad when she is not around. But then I take a moment and think of her, of her words to me, of her prance as she revels in an accomplishment, of her stamp when she is angry, and it gets better. I remind myself that there are only 21 days left until she returns to me, and at least one of those three weeks I will be busy with my Mom and Ray, with my children and grandchildren in BC.

The time will not go quickly or slowly. It will simply pass, resolutely, each hour the same duration as the one before and the one to come. Each day I will count one more. Then, all in a rush, she will return from her global adventures, filled with stories, loaded with gifts, excited to share it all. That too, is why I miss her.

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