Priorities These Days

Priorities. I have to be increasingly select in the things I do these days, setting priorities, focusing on what really matters versus what is less important. I only have a small amount of energy most days; some are better than others, some days I have no energy at all. Part of this contribution to energy loss are my exercises. They exhaust me, yet they are a priority. Without them my muscles will shrink, seizing up completely, making my limbs rigid in their paralysis.

Exercise mornings take at least an hour longer than non-exercise mornings. Exercise mornings are also shower mornings. So every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I find myself working with homecare until 1:30 pm or so. After that, I need a rest, usually until about 3:30 pm, sometimes all the way through until 5:00 pm, at which time my afternoon HCA visit begins. These days, since I have lost so much ability in the kitchen, that afternoon visit turns into meal preparation, or at least ingredient retrieval.

Eating is a priority. It takes priority over picking up the bits and pieces I drop all over the floor on a typical day. Yet sleeping often takes priority over eating. On days like today I would just as soon skip an evening meal, taking the time instead to rest, perhaps nap, or like last night, going to bed early. I am not sure if I really have any priorities beyond those two these days. It's all I seem capable of, unless I have help, someone to encourage, someone to energize me.

It is sad to say that most of my days these days are spent watching something on Netflix or sleeping in my wheelchair. I lack the energy or enthusiasm for something as simple as going across the street to Safeway. Grocery shopping supports my priority of eating, yet it is not a priority in and of itself. I seem to get what I need somehow; others go shopping for me or I do without. Sometimes others take me shopping, so I can just rest at home.

So I guess I really am stripped bare of things to do. Eating, sleeping, drinking; these are my only true requirements. Even my bodily functions are left to diapers and catheters. I just don't worry about them anymore. I don't set time aside for them; they are not a priority. I wish I had more, or at least someone to help me get enthused about things. But that's another story, perhaps for tomorrow.