I have reached the age, especially with ALS, where I really don't want to work on my "personal issues", where I don't want to feel like I have to apologize for being who and what I am. I have so little life left, I want to spend it feeling good about myself, enjoying who I am no matter what that is. Perhaps I've reached that age where I should be yelling at kids to get off of my lawn.
This is not to say that I don't care what other people think. It actually hurts me quite deeply when people point out a failing of mine, or suggest that I would get on better with others if I did this or did that. But that deep hurt is really kind of shallow. I shake it off, like snow on a dog's back, then I keep living, not unchanged but not committed to some drastic personality adjustment just because someone said I should do it.
That's why I think I am so lucky with the friends I have around me. Mostly they don't ask me to change things about myself. True, they do express times when they wish I wasn't quite as much of me as I can be from time to time. True, we have differences, even arguments; they flow both ways. But just as much as I take them for who and what they are, they take me just the same.
All of this arises from a comment this morning. I was told that some of the HCA's from "certain cultures" don't like working with me because of my sense of humour. First of all, in my defense, I work very hard not to say anything inappropriate to any of my caregivers. I am respectful of them, and grateful for all they do.
Now, in response to the comment... "certain cultures"? I know we live in a multi-cultural society and I am the first to say we should be sensistive to, and recognize the differences of, culture. The issue I have is two-fold. Humour is the only way I can survive some of the embarrassing and humiliating stuff I have to go through with this disease. It's a joke; get over it. Second, while your culture may be important to you, mine is to me as well. I am not offended by things which may offend you. When you are in my home, perhaps you should adjust to my culture!
Finally, if you are an HCA, you are going to run into all kinds of awkward situations, not for yourself but for those to whom you are providing care. My whole like is full of awkward these days. I piss myself in public. My catheter bag shows at the bottom of my pants. When I eat, I make a terrible mess; I need help sometimes. So try all of this on for size, then worry about what offends you.
Well said...
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