Sunday, 4 January 2015

Morning Sickness

I think I might be pregnant. I know there are obvious reasons why this diagnosis might not be true. I am male. I am nearly 60, clearly within andropausal and menopausal range. I haven't had sex in well over a year, which, in a coincidence which hasn't escaped me, is about how long I have been feeling this way. Certainly all of these things would mean I mustn't be pregnant.

Yet consider the symptoms. This morning I woke up slowly, with difficulty, and the mere thought of food nauseates me. Right now, as I sit here typing, I am looking for a nearby bucket just in case. Brushing my teeth makes me feel like I want to vomit. My belly is swollen and I feel bloated. Plus there must be something going on with my hormones because I feel like crying so often and I get upset so easily.

Those who know me well enough might try to suggest that this has something to do with over-consumption of wine. Alas, yesterday I didn't drink a drop; I was tired and didn't feel like it. Also, the whole food thing is annoying in that in my mind I am hungry but in my stomach I am not. On top of that, I ate yesterday, although lightly, plus had the requisite amount of water and even some orange juice.

Usually on mornings when I feel this way I simply go back to bed for another hour or two. The extra rest seems to give hunger sufficient time to overtake nausea. Plus it is not every morning I feel this way, just most of them. I think I am reaching the stage where eating is more of a chore than the joy I get from food. I love to eat; this is such a sad stage for me.

My real hope lies in the day. As the hours pass I will become hungrier and more willing to tolerate the discomfort of eating. As the hours pass I will become more alert, more awake, more willing to take risks. As the hours pass, I surely will smell the smell of food from somewhere, triggering the craving within me. At least I hope so. This morning sickness sucks.

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