Sometimes I Don't Eat What I Cook

At last my home is empty. I have had guests in my home from my first waking moment until now... and I have loved every minute of it. I am continually given the gift of friendship and companionship from those around me. It makes my days alive, vibrant with conversation and company.

My apartment smells of BBQ ribs in the slow cooker. I have dinner made for six. Now that my company is gone, I am eating alone. I am not really all that hungry. I suspected Kate will get most of these ribs; I am certain she will appreciate them. I love to cook; it's the whole eating thing which can be problematic for me. In spite of my best efforts, my appetite disappears easily and quickly. So a terrific batch of ribs can smell like heaven to me, yet still I will be unable to eat.

I am pretty much okay with that. I do the best I can. What I have learned is to eat when I am hungry, eat what I can when I want it, and don't worry about the rest. I know people with ALS who worry a lot about what they eat. The consume supplements and pills and special foods. In the end, I'm not sure it makes all that much difference. ALS is random; sometimes it goes slowly and other times quickly. Sometimes diet matters and other times it does not. All I know for sure is that I should eat when I am hungry.

I find that having something to drink improves my appetite. Late nights seem to do it as well. I get "snacky" after 10:00 PM, whether here or out. I suspect it has to do with my eating cycle. Generally by that time of night it is several hours since eating last, enough time for appetite to rebuild and return. Oddly enough, what I eat is relatively unimportant, it's just that I eat.

There is no predicting this. Some days I crave a plate of vegetables. Other days nothing will do except some ribs, all salty and meaty. The other night, at about 1:00 AM, I ate about a half a dozen slices of Swiss cheese wrapped with prosciutto ham. I just couldn't get enough of it. Like the paleolithic hunter, there was food and I hungered. I ate.

It is a victory to me when I can eat. Often it has nothing to do with what I cook. Here, today, I have this terrific batch of BBQ ribs. Yet what I am hungry for is the cold, leftover KFC chicken in the fridge. All that effort to make a great meal, and I will eat cold leftovers. No matter; I am eating, keeping my calorie count up. That's enough to chew on for today.