Support

I almost forgot to write today; it's been a bit of a ramble recovering from yesterday. Fortunately a couple of my friends have dropped by today to make sure I was okay. Once again I find myself surrounded by support here at home in Calgary.

The question I am facing now is what to do. I had my schedule arranged. I had my plans made. I had things setup for me to be out of town for a couple of weeks. Now I find myself in town, not quite knowing what to do with myself. Of course I can step back into my regular routine but I am a bit embarrassed. I was so excited about heading south. I told everyone, with some glee on my part, that I was going away. Now I will show up, never having been farther than Butte, Montana, facing a bunch of questions about what happened.

Right now I am having a fairly serious crisis of confidence in my biological family, my siblings and even my Mom. I'm still stunned by what happened on the road, and the effective non-response from the other brothers. All it does is confirm that the people I count on are the people I should count on, those who are around me on an ongoing basis.

What I do find interesting is the level of unconditional support I am getting from those around me. There has not been a moment of judgement or suggestion that I am making too much out of this. While those things might be true, and I might be making too much out of this, I am still struck by the loyalty and care of my friends.

My children have also reached out to me in this, phoning me and touching base. It was so good to hear from them in this time of distress, so good to hear them say they loved me or to let me know in other ways that they too are distressed about what is happening. I am proud of them. If I have any message for them, it is that they need to care for each other, be kind to each other, be supportive of each other. I want them to be a family, the family that stands up for itself, regardless of time, distance or circumstance. That would make me the most proud of them, to know they are there for each other.