Is This Enough?

I don't feel like writing today.

It's a sign of the slump I am in right now, an almost perpetual slump. The next 10 days will be rough, saddening me as I approach the anniversary of my diagnosis. Four years ago, about this time, I was talking to my GP about getting into the neurology clinic. It was a long wait and neither of us thought I had a lot of time to wait. We were both right and wrong.

I don't feel like writing today.

This is when the discipline cuts in, when I realize that there is more of my tale yet to be told, more of my story yet to be captured. Four years ago at this time I wouldn't have believed you if you had told me I had a blog to write, a blog with almost 1,500 entries, a blog with half a million page views, a blog followed by people around the world. People want to read my writing. I must write.

I don't feel like writing today.

I spent most of the day in bed, dozing on and off, thinking thoughts which should not be thought, asking myself questions which I cannot answer. I've not even put on pants today. I am unmotivated to cook, but that's okay. I have plenty of leftovers in the fridge. I will eat, sullenly, forced by physical requirement. Or maybe not.

I don't feel like writing today.

But I did. Is this enough?