Sunday, 26 March 2017

My Knickers Are In A Twist

You know in those TV shows where the detective or coroner can tell if someone was dressed by another person after death? I can tell you for a fact, it's not only possible to tell, but fairly real when they do it. It's usually the pants which are a dead giveaway. They get a twist in them. It happens to me too.

When I dress, be it my underwear or pants, I need help these days. The process is that the HCA generally helps me get them on over my feet and up as far as the edge of the bed. Remember that I am sitting through this process; there is no standing up for adjustments. Once my pants or underwear are up the the edge of the bed, I roll to one side so the HCA, or myself if I am up to it, can pull one side up. Then I roll to the other side to pull that side up. Rinse and repeat until underwear or pants are completely up, or at least mostly up.

The trouble comes with the HCA doesn't really understand what they are doing. My regular HCA's, Kathy and Micheal, are pretty good at it. They've learned what it takes to get my pants and underwear on straight, without a twist. The trick is learning to center the front before you start pulling them up at the sides. It's not as easy as you might think, since both underwear and pants will twist as they are pulled over dead feet and legs. So adjustments must be made.

The real secret is learning where the rear seam is, especially on my jeans. If the rear seam lines up with my butt crack, the jeans will go on straight. If that seam is at an angle or twisted in any way, my jeans will end up with the top button off one side or the other, requiring a great deal of tugging and rolling to re-center them, a task which often does not succeed.

As with most things, it is the pre-work, the preparation, which drives success. Get the pants or underwear going straight in the beginning, when they are pulled over my feet, then the odds of having untwisted knickers improves greatly. Get a twist in them down there, and the twist goes all the way through.

Of course there is more to this task, especially with jeans. That involves getting them all the way on while they are underneath my now loose and flabby ass. That, however, is a task for a different day. Thanks to a new, untrained HCA today, my knickers and my jeans both have a twist in them. It will take me all day to work this out. I suppose that could be my goal for today, to get my knickers out of a twist.

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